I can’t believe I am just about 1/2 way through my P90X experiment. And I am going to eat a gigantic slice of birthday cake when I hit my final day.
First, the nitty gritty. I continue to lose inches, although there was a PMS set back week that righted itself after the bloat ended. And my body fat percentage is definitely headed in the right direction (2% or so down).
I finally installed the pull up bar on Week 5 (Week 4 was a “recovery” week, thus no pull ups). Wheee. And, I can actually do 10 (yes, that’s right TEN!) with modification.
The weight on the scale, however, has been a bit slow moving. And while I did not kick off this experiment to see pounds melt away, I still find myself pretty discouraged.
As I share the experiment with more people, I find that there are a lot of Beachbody fans out there who use their various DVDs. So I was kind of crushed when an acquaintance told me that she lost 15 pounds in the first two weeks of a Beachbody program. I began to wonder what I was doing wrong to be stuck at the undramatic 1 to 2 pounds a week weight loss.
There is no doubt that I am getting stronger. I can hold my kid up on the monkey bars with just one arm wrapped around her legs. Hell, I can do 10 (modified) pull ups! My reps are going up with each workout and I am slowly adding more resistance to them.
And, you know what, my pants are getting pretty loose.
But this stupid number on the scale is like an albatross and I just can’t shake my obsession with it.
Growing up, I watched my mother step on the scale every morning. Her morning ritual was dragging the scale all over the bathroom floor, to find the right dip in the tiles that would give her the lowest number. That number would be the basis for everything (or nothing) she ate for the entire day. While she was obsessed over her daily weigh ins, I silently loathed that scale. I feared being in close proximity to it.
In fact, for most of my adult live I never even owned one. But Manly Man Husband brought on into the house, and while I have avoided using it for most of the 9 years we have been together, this experiment has sucked me back into a perceived importance to those numbers. The power that the scale had over my mother is beginning to exert control over me.
I do not do my weekly weigh ins around my kid. I don’t want her to witness my own kicking of the scale to find the right dip in the tiles. She doesn’t need to see me be a slave to the numbers.
I suppose it’s good that I recognize this and chose to power through and continue the program, trying to ignore the numbers and focus on getting stronger and healthier.
I know that non-dramatic weight loss is the best weight loss to have. And I know that I am also doing this program to kick start a healthier lifestyle, which is ultimately more important than any weight loss. But those numbers still loom, and it’s hard to let go of such an unhealthy childhood preoccupation with them.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Karen -
P90X is strength, conditioning, and body re-comp program. That was its intended goal from the beginning. The program is definitely working if you’re seeing strength gains and loose clothing. Congratulations on that!
From what you’ve written though, it seems you’re make good progress. In the end, the point of any program whether it’s body re-composition or weight loss is to burn fat, gain lean muscle and ultimately take up less space in a room. You are not defined by your scale, but what you can do. Your daughter is not going to remember that you got down to 120lbs (I’m just pulling numbers); she is going to remember that mom was strong enough to play with her on the monkey bars
Hey Hazel
Thanks for visiting! In my head, yes, I know all this to be true. It’s about gaining lean muscle mass, etc. And as I said, I didn’t really do this to lose weight, but to get myself in better physical condition.
BUT, the scale thing kind of ended up happening for no reason except that culturally we are kind of conditioned to watch the numbers on the scale, and lower is better than higher. I think we see this a lot, particularly as kids, when growth is charted via a height/weight/age chart and any deviation from accepted levels is a red-flag to the doctor, when other things should be taken into consideration.
I think that as a society on the whole we are taught all sorts of inappropriate things about health, fitness and weight loss, particularly young girls. It comes from schools, it comes from families, it comes from doctors, and it also comes from the media (who are the prime targets for criticism). It’s something I have been thinking about posting about for a while, so it looks like “very soon” is the time!