I so get the desire to de-goop. That little blackhead burrowed into your nose looks like it has taken over your entire face (but trust me, you are the only one who can really see it). That huge pimple on your chin is begging to be popped. Keeping your hands off your face? It’s. So. Hard.

The self-proclaimed Cosmetic’s Cop Paula Begoun has extraction advice for her readers posted over at her blog The Beauty Bunch. Paula doesn’t have much use for estheticians, and she believes that we all can DIY our pimple popping and blackhead squeezing.

And, hey, maybe we can! But her advice is wrong.

First, don’t use a comedone extractor. This is a tricky tool to master, and I have had extensive damage done to my skin by a trained esthetician using one of those suckers. You are way better off using the sides of your fingers (no nails, and fingers clean and wrapped in cotton or gauze pads, please!) or two Q-Tips.

With sufficient skin prep, blackheads often slip right out with the fingers and some light pressure. But skin prep is not, as Paula suggests, a little bit of a water based cleanser scrubbed with a washcloth around the area.

You need to soften the oil, which is done by using a highly alkaline solution left on the area for several minutes with steam applied. A face wash in tepid water means you will have to exert more pressure to pop those suckers out. That can lead to damage.

You need good magnification to see what you are doing and to follow the pore’s direction.

If you pop a pimple, make sure it is fully drained. If not, it will come back with a vengeance.

Never, ever EVER try to pop a pimple without a head on it. Period. Do not try to lance it to get the goop out. Leave it alone. You can scar (and I have the ice pick scars to prove it from my wandering teenage fingers).

When you are done, swab the area with witch hazel or tea tree oil. That stuff you just took out is bacteria, and without this step, it can spread all over your face.

Self-extracting is not something I recommend, but I am also realistic and know everyone gives it a go at least once in their lives.

Do you see an esthetician faithfully? For clients who see me regularly, I am happy to extract a pimple and give a quick high frequency between appointments if a pimple is making them crazy. Yours may very well have the same policy. It’s worth finding out.

Would you wash your face with a Brillo pad?

That’s exactly what I thought when I finally pulled out the March issue from the unread stack of Allure magazines sitting next to my bed. The article that caught my attention, called “Tried and True,” was a piece on what beauty editors use on their own skin.

One of Allure’s editors uses the prescription strength retinoid Renova nightly. And every other night, she uses a 10% glycolic at-home peel. Plus, she puts the Renova on 30 minutes after the peel. It makes my skin burn just thinking about this.

She must have skin like leather, because Kids, there is way too much irritation and exfoliation going on. I don’t like the idea of a 10% at home glycolic mixed with an Rx strength retinoid. It just goes way against my better judgment.

Both Renova and glycolic are super irritating to skin. And glycolic is a “degreasing” agent, which means it eats away your skin’s oil. Prescription Vitamin A formulations are super exfoliating, and you can experience redness and flaking when you use them. To put both of them together, and it could over strip your skin of its natural barrier function, leaving skin dry, damaged and chronically inflamed.

Careful estheticians require peel candidates to stay off their Rx Vitamin A topicals for a certain amount of time before they will peel a client. And peeling more than once a week is incredibly excessive. When we do a peel series for clients, they are generally spaced out anywhere between two and four weeks, depending on what we are treating. Even a weekly peel doesn’t give your skin time to repair.

The cover tag for the Allure article was “Get Great Skin.” Based on this Allure editor’s personal regime, the only thing you’d get is damaged skin.

I am interrupting this week’s usual Friday Bombshell Blogger shout out with an important skin care PSA.

You cannot–I repeat–can not “close your pores.”

Yesterday, I noticed a tweet by a fairly popular skin care blog blasting out a recommendation for some product that “closed” her pores. Because part of the mission of this blog is to be a forum to counter the misinformation, I call bullshit.

Your pores are your pores. They are genetically determined. You cannot close them. You cannot make them smaller. You cannot make them disappear. Nor do you want to close them, make them smaller or make them disappear. They serve an important purpose.

Without our sweat pores, our bodies would have no temperature regulation. Our pores excrete oil, which not only keeps our skin moisturized but also helps protect our skin from environmental pollutants.

If you “closed” your pores, you would cause all sorts of acne eruptions on your face. Closed pores = dead skin and oil build up, with no way for oxygen to enter, giving the bacteria a great environment to thrive. The bacteria that causes acne cannot live in the presence of oxygen.

What you can do to minimize the appearance of your pores is to make sure that they are “clean.” Pores can get stretched by dirt and oil, which makes them appear larger. If you have oily skin, a good clay mask can help pull the dirt out of your pores. Combo skin should use clay only on the T-zone, with a rich moisturizing mask on the other areas. When I was working with a Jurlique spa, I saw great client results with Jurlique’s Purifying Mask (Amazon affiliate link).

Dry skin? You can barely see your pores–this is the curse of the small pores. They may be invisible, but the invisibility comes at a price. You cannot secrete enough oil to keep your skin naturally moisturized. Stay away from the clay, and look for a mask whose base has uber moisturizing ingredients like shea butter, seaweed or a natural oil like grapeseed or jojoba. A good moisturizing mask is Caudalie Moisturizing Cream Mask (Amazon affiliate link). The potent grapeseed oil is fantastic moisturizing antioxident for your skin.

If you are reading a magazine article, a blog post or an advertisement that touts a miracle product that will “shrink” your pores, make them “disappear” or “close” them, know that it’s not only impossible but also not what your skin needs.

Have you tried some sort of “pore minimizing treatment” that caused your skin to freak out? Share it in the comments!

Yesterday, Gawker Media property Jezebel reported that Whole Foods is offering their team members an opt-in employee incentive program that gives them larger store discounts tied to certain biometric parameters. Using blood pressure, cholesterol testing and BMI, they have different levels of discounts for certain stages met.

The regular discount of 20% still applies to all employees, however if you opt into the Healthy Discount Incentive Program and your numbers are “bronze” level, you are eligible for a 22% discount, and so on, all the way to the platinum 30% off level.

Whole Foods claims, first and foremost, that this initiative is being implemented because the company cares about the health and well being of its employees. Plus, according to CEO John Mackey in a letter to employees, on a core business level, Whole Foods is trying to reign in rising health care costs.

Last August, Mackey came under fire for an Op-Ed he penned for the Wall Street Journal attacking the proposition of Universal Health Care. With that Op-Ed, he succeeded in enraged his core consumers. The majority of people buying the Whole Foods organic, healthy living ethos tend to be liberal leaning and supporters of the government option.

The Wall Street Journal Op-Ed was clearly a PR blunder of epic proportions. It was not savvy for Mackey to use a public forum to showcase his libertarian streak on such a hot button topic as health care. However, pushing aside Mackey’s political leanings, the actual message of the opinion piece was clear–if you shop at Whole Foods, you don’t really need health insurance because Whole Foods keeps you healthy. As awkward and misguided as it was, Mackey was ultimately hawking his brand.

But this new employee incentive initiative is Draconian. And while It certainly leaves one to ponder its legalities (although I am sure that a company as large as Whole Foods has an army of legal eagles covering their trim behinds), the inclusion of BMI in the metrics means that this program is not at all indicative of a person’s health.

BMI is a measure of height vs. weight only and does not take into account muscle mass vs. body fat. The results of a Mayo Clinic study, presented a 2008 study at the American College of Cardiology Annual Scientific Session, showed that more than half of American men and women who had “normal” BMIs actually had higher body fat percentages that put them at risk for illness such as type 2 diabetes. It’s completely feasible that a “silver” level employee is actually less healthy than the “bronze” counterpart, although this “silver” employee qualifies for a healthier healthy discount.

Here’s something else to chew on. The “platinum” level discount calls for BMI of 23.99 or lower. What if an employee has a BMI at 16 or 17, which classifies that person as underweight? Researchers from the Mayo Clinic College of Medicine published a study in the Lancet that found that those with low BMIs were a higher risk group for heart disease than those with normal BMIs. Why aren’t those who dip into the underweight category penalized like those who head into the BMI obese range?

Is this really about healthy employees? Or is this about presenting trim employees as the public face of the Whole Foods brand?

Today in misogynistic prickery, via Jezebel, we have two titans of women’s fashion who really should be boycotted (if they were at all affordable in the first place).

According to Australia’s News.com.au, pompous gasbag Karl Lagerfeld told an Aussie magazine, “No one wants to see curvy women… You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”

Coming back state-side, Women’s Wear Daily reports that shoe Czar Christian Louboutin trimmed down the ankles of the three Barbie dolls he is designing after finding them “too fat” to make his shoes aesthetically pleasing. This must be repeated: According to Louboutin, Barbie has fat ankles.

These asshats basically own women’s fashion.

Since we all know I have fat feet myself (oh Barbie, you are not alone!) Louboutin is in no danger of my hoofers making his shoes look bad. And while I can in no way afford Chanel clothes, I have happily purchased their makeup in the past. And now I won’t. Which is too bad, because I was curious about their new nail polish color Jade. The swatches looked beautiful, but according to Blogdorf Goodman, I am not missing much.

So, thank you, Gentlemen. Enjoy the remainders of the recession with the skinny ladies. The rest of the world is over here, buying Mark Fast.

Remember my post about my local CVS’s brilliant marketing strategy? Well, they had their Vichy Beauty Event–they were giving FREE 5 minute skin consultations. FREE! And I missed it by 15 minutes.

The marketing strategy for this event was my favorite homemade sign now placed outside of the CVS doors (blue marker smeared) and two deflated balloons, one blue and one white (Vichy’s colors, get it?!)

I raced in hoping that maybe, just maybe, they were backed up with customers and I would get my FREE 5 minute skin consultation! But the beauty aisle looked empty. I decided to ask the cashier because maybe, just maybe, the “beauty adviser” hadn’t left yet and would be willing to squeeze out an additional 5 minutes in the name of a sale.

NYCEsthy: Hi! Did I miss the beauty event?

Cashier: The what? (she looked at me suspiciously, like I may rob the place)

NYCEsthy: The beauty event. The one with Vichy?

Cashier: A Vichy event? That was supposed to be today? Where did you see that? (Clearly, there was a stampede for 5 minute FREE skin consultations.)

NYCEsthy: The sign, outside. Right out front.

Cashier: Oh, let me call one of the beauty advisers for you.

So I wait by a table they have crammed in the corner by the door, adorned in a blue and white paper table cloth, with handwritten index cards (Best for Acne! Best Moisturizer! Best weekly Exfoliator!) stuck to various Vichy bottles with scotch tape.

The cashier, now with someone else with her, runs outside and looks at the sign and then comes over.

Cashier: This is the manager. All of our beauty advisers are gone.

Manager: The event ended at 4. No one can help you. We aren’t trained on the product.

No FREE 5 minute skin consultation for me.

So I came back here and hit the google to see what the requirements are for a CVS Beauty Adviser. And I couldn’t find anything. What I could dig up is that the Beauty Dept manager needs 2 years in a retail environment and a cosmetology license is preferred (but not required). Similarly, a beauty adviser position for their Beauty 360 store in CA mentioned that a cosmetology or esthetics license is preferred (again, not required).

I can’t say anything about Vichy products themselves, since I have never tried them. There were a few samples scattered on the table, but nothing appropriate for my skin type. What I do know is that Vichy is owned by L’Oreal and apparently the number 1 selling drugstore brand in Europe.

I feel like Vichy is priced a bit high for a drugstore brand, and since money’s a little tight right now, I am not up for dropping a chunk of cash on a product I have not had a chance to sample.

Fearless readers, if you have tried Vichy, please share in the comments! I am genuinely curious!

Did you know that CVS is unrolling a beefed up beauty department called Beauty 360? So far, they have locations in CA, CT and DC. The competition is concerning some estheticians–but it looks like they are dippng a toe in the prestige market and are a more mainstreamed Sephora (if that’s even possible).

That said, a stroll past my local CVS (to be fair, one that is sans Beauty 360), leads me to believe they may need a little help in the marketing department.

The welcoming sign that invites shoppers to "Beauty"

Makes you want to rush to this in-store event

The "item of the week" display... Highlighting with neon orange is an interesting touch

Does this make me look fat?

Cintra Wilson took her Critical Shopper column in the NY Times to the new Herald Square J.C. Penney yesterday. And it confirms that she is an asshole.

I don’t have a problem with her hating on the clothes–as the Times’ resident “critical shopper,” she is well within her right to take a gander and not like the options. Though I have to ask, is there any non-poly blend to be found in H&M, New York City’s low-cost paradise? I am old enough to remember when H&M landed in NYC and the glowing praise it received from the media, the lines around the block to get in, the bouncers at the door like a nightclub, with nary a natural fabric in sight, but I digress.

The real meat  (ahem) or her piece is her complete slam of Penney’s core shopper, sniffing at the racks filled with sizes 10 and up, complaining about her near-impossible hunt for a size 2 and, finally, calling the mannequins obese. In the process, she manages to insult droves of women across the United States (NYC women included).

Her “if I were a size 18, I’d be thrilled” quote tells women of a certain proportion that they can only get clothing at places like Penney’s. Which she calls, a few graphs up, a company “encrusted with decades of boring, even traumatically parental, associations.”

But wait, there’s more! “J. C. Penney has always trafficked in knockoffs that aren’t quite up to Canal Street’s illegal standards. It was never ‘get the look for less’ so much as ‘get something vaguely shaped like the designer thing you want, but cut much more conservatively, made in all-petroleum materials, and with a too-similar wannabe logo that announces your inferiority to evil classmates as surely as if you were cursed to be followed around by a tuba section.’”

So, if you are a size 10 or larger, you are cursed to shop at a place where the clothes make you inferior but you’ll be thrilled? Cintra, take your size 2 ass and go home.

According to NY Magazine, she apologized, took it back, took another stab at it, blah blah blah. In the first mea culpa, she called herself a “chubby chaser,” and claimed to love the obese even before she interviewed Beth Ditto. Umm, OK.

Cintra’s reporting landed side-by-side with Guy Trebay’s uber-trend piece about the hipster boys sporting pot-bellys. My friend Mark has a brilliant crit of that on his Critical Condition blog. Perhaps all the editors at Thursday Style have the month off, which explains this week’s particularly shoddy section?

Cintra also takes a swipe at Halston for being the first fancy-pants designer to stoop to the Penney level and create an affordable line for the rest of us. In actuality, the man was a pioneer in the business of fashion (not artistry, business). How many women can afford the real thing? The rest of us unwashed, apparently massive masses need something more affordable. Mass market is “mass” because it is high volume (not because of our girth). Ca-ching.

I guess someone’s privates felt neglected with only a lone
bar of Irish Spring in the shower. This enterprising chap decided to create Man
Junk Intimate Wash, the first intimate body wash for men.

According to the Man Junk website, their unique formula
address “the specific (sic) needs of the
male anatomy.”  Their press release
states that poor male hygiene can lead to “inflammation, bacteria build up, STD
transmission and even the increased risk of penile cancer.”  Hmmm.

It’s one thing if a guy wants his bobbly bits
to smell great, but any soap can take care of bacteria build-up. In terms of
inflammation, if you are a sensitive type of guy, harsher body soaps could lead
to skin irritation in an area that is prone to chaffing.  But protects against STDs and penile
cancer? I would call that a bit of a reach.

Since I am not a guy, I called manly man husband to get his
take.

“Hey, babe, it’s me. Do you ever think about penile cancer?”

“Not until you bring it up. Why?” he asked.

“Do you want to try a new product called Man Junk?
It’s a body wash for your…”

“Jeeze, would you hurry up and get a spa job already? I have
a lot going on at work today,” he sounds exasperated.  “Don’t forget we are picking up the cat today.” CLICK.

OK! Guess that saves us 25 bucks!

According to Cosmetics Design, the Russian politician Vladimir Zhirinovsky is cashing in on the celebrity fragrance trend with his own scent, Zhirinovsky for Men.

The article also touches on concerns about backlash over celebrity-endorsed scents, a trend which sent the fragrance market booming over the past decade or so. It quotes Euromonitor senior analyst Diana Dodson saying, “It can be risky to rely on a celebrity’s image, too easily tarnished by today’s ubiquitous media.”

Irony noted.